i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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