i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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