if you like me you must not know who I am
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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