I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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