Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize