You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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