Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I puked a lego.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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