I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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