you would pick up someone in the library
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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