I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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