Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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