I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Enjoy the penises
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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