He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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