I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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