if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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