I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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