i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize