I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
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At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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