I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
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We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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