Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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