were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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