Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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