i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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