I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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