So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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