dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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