Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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