This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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