im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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