I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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