Me too!
Soap is not a condiment
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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