thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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