either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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