we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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