someone get that fucking seahorse.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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