and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize