u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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