remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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