There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize