By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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