I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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