My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize