Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize