Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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