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He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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