so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize