Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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