I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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