just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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