Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize